Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Randomize
