she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
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