There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
