True but thats because hes a fetus.
I faked an abortion last night.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
