I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Randomize
