just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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