I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
