I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
