you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
