sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize
