Pants 0. Shit 1.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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