My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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