My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
