I must be too annoying 4 u.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Randomize
