i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Randomize
