I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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