They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
