At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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