i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
