that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
