I got chris browned last night
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
