seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
My life is pants optional.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
