you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
