they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I am full of burrito and curiosity
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Never underestimate the power of titties
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
