Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Randomize
