Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
