was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
