Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
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