you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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