he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
These tits shall not be calmed
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