I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
