Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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