Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
