worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives�
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
