It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
