I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
