"it" just moved
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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