theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I will pee on everything he values.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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