He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
