i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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