Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
