i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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