I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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