Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
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