dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
