I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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