its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
