he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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