Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
