My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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