she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Randomize
