Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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