Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
