If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
