when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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