What a fucking waste of an outfit
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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