There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
