I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
