i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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